In Spurts

I have been working on an essay about being immortalized as a statue. I started writing it a few weeks ago and have been adding a few sentences every few days. Right now I'm at 1000 words and feel like I have exacerbated everything I could possibly say. I'm sure I'll add or scratch out a a paragraph or two, but for the most part it is waiting to be proofread. When I write long papers for school or pleasure I usually write everything in one sitting. This time it's a bit different because I wrote in spurts. My issue with writing in staggered parts has a lot to do with my history. There have been so many times I have started writing something, stopped after a page or two, and never got back to finishing what I started. I have the intent to finish writing, but after a few hours I'll over-think what I wrote and decide it isn't interesting enough or too much of a hassle.

Again, that's why this article is different. One, it's a big satire. I don't know all the fancy literary terms or what contemporary unknowns are, but I think if I have to label the essay it would be a satire, not entirely sure though. Second, I have the urge to reopen the Word document and continue injecting the essay with humor and thought. I would try to explain how writing in spurts is related to peppering a chicken, but it gets too confusing. Third, it's one of my longer essays in quite a while so it feels good to hash out some new work.

Here's an excerpt:

Every impressive statue is on platform, standing a few feet above the average sized person. I don’t want to be standing on any old platform, I want to be standing on a giant ant farm. Ant farms represent community, teamwork, and I want to be remembered for being a team player. Whether it was my participation in beer pong, flip cup, drinking games in general, or N64 Mario Cart you can be sure I gave it my all…every time. Aside from visually symbolizing community, the ant farm also represents generations of students who have made an impact on MSU. Each ant has a specific purpose in the farm and if an ant is lucky enough it gets to fertilize the queen. In a sort of indirect, not exactly correlating way, this is like college students getting involved in clubs, attempting to figure what they want to do for a living and, if luck prevails, they find a major that will set them up for success. I'm still a bit foggy on how the ants will be fed and cared for, but I figure, they're ants, they can carry stuff one and a half times their weight, they'll figure it out.

Most importantly, however, is how I will actually be standing on top of the ant farm. My options are endless really. I could stand in a Goodrich's shopping cart and position myself like a surfer about to ride the big one. Not only is this good product placement for Goodrich's it would mean they would be liable for making sure I look good as well. If I got vandalized, it would be like a black eye on Goodrich's and they simply wouldn't allow that to happen. I could do the “Captain Morgan” pose with one leg on a barrel of whiskey as I rest one arm on my knee, but I feel this is cliché. I could be seated in a toboggan while holding an oar. Then again, if I wanted to hold an oar I should probably switch out the toboggan with a kayak or canoe. Yet if I decided sit in a canoe, I would definitely need a Native American guide for authenticity, but I don’t know any Native Americans so this idea just wouldn’t work.