My Rise, My Fall = Studying

Throughout my short 20 year old lifetime, I have experienced my highest highs and lowest lows when studying for school. Whether it be writing up a paper, solving math problems, or skimming through a chapter before a test- I feel like I'm in a constant battle with an emotional whirlwind. Some people get really stressed and worried about schoolwork, tests, etc. I guess I do too, but I try to not make it obvious or let stress get the best of me. Take my last midterm for example. Some girl in my lab was literally freaking out. In her anxiety-fueled attack, she printed off over 60 pages of study material in the hopes that killing 19 trees would lead to a nice fat 4.0 on the test. I, on the other hand, was a little more laid back. I went to the study sessions and reread my notes, but decided I wouldn't allow myself to succumb to stress. It worked and I ended up with a 3.0.

Sometimes though, the stress and anxiety is inevitable. If I feel like giving up when studying for an exam because the material seems like too much I'll take a break. Sometimes I'll browse the web or play some video games to get my mind off school, which leads to more problems- I become remorseful. What would my parents think? Am I wasting their money? I can't be a bad example. Can I afford a bad grade? What will happen to my GPA? This swirl of questions sits in my mind and I can't focus on anything else and then the situation turns into a positive feedback loop. In this particular week I have a quiz, lab exam, two midterms, and a rough draft due. I find it nearly impossible to work on one subject when I know three more are demanding equal attention.

My rise and fall happens during these crucial days before and after tests. The rise after the test is finished, the fall when the score is returned, the rise when I have two weeks before my next midterm, the fall of studying. It goes on like this all semester. As much as I try to keep stress at bay, it picks and nags at my brain. I lose the ability to have simple conversations because I'm too busy trying to remember all the material I have crammed into my skull. Even writing this blog post is a struggle as the back of my mind processes everything I need to accomplish this week. At least I can look at the calender and think, I'll be on spring break in a week. By that time, anything that happens in this week will be over and can't be changed. Then, I start to relax, calm down, and realize everything will be alright. I have been doing this whole "school thing" for years and I have always ended up just fine.